The second spring II - Dating tips for seniors
It worked - you met someone. That's great, congratulations! Now you can move on. Even if you only saw each other briefly at an exhibition, bumped into each other by chance while walking, or simply made first contact via the online form of the dating service (link to article: Der zweite Frühling I - Kennenlernen mit Niveau), the first and most important step has been taken: You know that you exist and have arranged to meet for the first time! Have you already seen each other briefly and have you liked each other? Or did you have a nice exchange of letters and thought 'I would like to meet him/her offline? Then you'll probably remember something you thought you'd lost long ago: the butterflies in your stomach we used to know. And also the excitement before the first meeting, also the endless preliminary considerations to make as good an impression as possible, especially on the first date, because after all, we know that first impressions count the most.
The right time
The first meeting should be neither too early nor too late. Don't push for a meeting too early, it can quickly come across as pushy or needy. But you shouldn't wait too long either. If you have been writing back and forth for months, you will have formed an image of your pen pal. In the rarest of cases, this image will correspond to the person who actually sits across from you. We may be disappointed because the image in our head does not match reality. Perhaps we have built up too high expectations during a long correspondence, which we then do not see confirmed. This applies to both partners, of course, and both should be interested in seeing a realistic picture. A meeting can take place as early as both feel comfortable with it. By the way, don't worry if the spark doesn't fly immediately on the first date. This is not because the timing was wrong, but because the famous love at first sight is very rare. Enjoy the nice meeting and the good conversation, and maybe it will turn into something more after a few more meetings.
A good meeting place for the first meeting
There is no perfect meeting place. However, you have already got to know your counterpart through your correspondence to the extent that you have discovered things in common - that is why you want to meet. Your common preferences for certain activities and leisure activities provide a very good starting point when you want to choose a suitable meeting place. Are you both theatre lovers? Then discuss beforehand which play you would like to see together and perhaps have a bite to eat together afterwards? The advantage of such an activity is that there are fewer breaks in conversation because of the programme - on the one hand because you have a programme and on the other hand because you have a wonderful topic of conversation if you can't think of anything else. The advantage of a meeting WITHOUT a programme on the outside (such as cinema, theatre, concert,...) is that you can concentrate fully on the person you are talking to. If you have already identified enough common topics of conversation in your correspondence, there will probably be no awkward pauses. Then you could perhaps suggest a café, a nice restaurant, the ice cream parlour around the corner or the cosy bar as a meeting place. The latter with caution, because the combination of (late) evening, dim light and alcohol could be interpreted as a clear intention. Some interpret even a harmless meal differently, depending on whether it is a meal during the day or a dinner. A good way to get to know each other is to do sports together. If you have both expressed a preference for golf or badminton in your correspondence, for example, there is nothing to stop the first meeting taking place on the golf course or in the badminton hall. However, the suggestion to visit the sauna together afterwards would probably be rather inappropriate for a first meeting. By the way, a first date at one of your homes is equally inappropriate.
What should I wear?
A whole wardrobe full of nothing to wear - this is often a cliché that is assumed to apply to women. But it's actually gender-independent. It simply results from the fact that everything in one's wardrobe is not considered nice enough or suitable for a certain occasion. For that special meeting, it has to be something special. But this doesn't have to degenerate into a shopping spree. You will make the best impression if you wear something you feel comfortable in and don't have to pretend. Then you look more natural and authentic. If you always wear a suit and tie, you can do the same on your date. If you are otherwise the jeans and T-shirt type and wear a suit on your date, then the unfamiliarity will be noticeable and you will look dressed up. Be authentic, because your appearance only reinforces and confirms the image that you have already conveyed in advance and that must be coherent. Of course, the clothes should also be chosen to match the occasion. If there are no special rules, the clothes should be casual but well-fitted - and of course clean and well-made. Showing too much skin is not recommended, especially for women on a first date. Discreet necklines are more likely to stimulate the imagination than naked facts. Restraint is also advisable when it comes to make-up and perfume. You shouldn't stink and being well-groomed is an absolute must, but a cloud of perfume that's too thick can also send someone running. If you want to be on the safe side, follow the dress codes that are suggested and recommended for different occasions. They are available for men and women and you can hardly go wrong with them.
Manners, small talk and saying goodbye - you can avoid putting your foot in it
Are you nervous? Your counterpart certainly is too. Small mistakes are therefore more easily forgiven. However, you should always take the basic pillars of decency to heart and these are punctuality, politeness and the ability to put your mobile phone on silent. With openness and friendliness, you can create a similar atmosphere and your counterpart can respond to it without constraint. Keep the conversation balanced so that everyone gets a chance to speak. Ask questions and show interest. Negative topics such as illness are not ideal for a first meeting, nor are deep financial issues or badmouthing your ex-partner. Was it a nice meeting with good conversation? No matter how nice it is, don't push it. It is better to continue a good conversation another time than to discuss it until you are sitting silently opposite each other and have already said everything. Then the motivation for another meeting is no longer as high. Of course, this doesn't mean that you should leave in a hurry...
When you say goodbye, pay attention to the body language of your counterpart and to the general mood between you. Probably a light hug goodbye will be appropriate. The rule here is: not too distant, but not too pushy either.
