Suddenly the children are big - what you can do when it gets quiet in the house
Yesterday you were still making school sandwiches, treating skinned knees and consoling the first heartbreak ...
And suddenly everything is different: children grow up, that's just the way it is. You were always proud of how "big" your child already is, you praised him for all the things he can do. And now? Now it's getting serious about growing up... Unfortunately, no one told you beforehand how hard it would be for you. Or someone did, but it was not imaginable for you ...
The chick fledges and leaves the parental nest
The chick flying out of the parental nest is such a powerful image that American sociologists created the term "empty nest syndrome" for it. What sounds like an illness is actually a more or less major crisis of meaning into which the parents fall and which can also reach psychologically serious proportions. A first self-help group has already been set up.
The process of cutting the cord is something quite natural. Parents should be much more worried if the chick is still living with mum at 50...
If you recognise the signs, you can get used to the idea of your child growing up early on. Often the weaning process begins in the parental home and often manifests itself in an increasing desire for freedom and an increased insistence on privacy. A partial-empty nest is also a gentle variant.... Here, the child comes home at least for a while on weekends, while during the week he or she lives in another city to work or study.
What to do with the free time when the children are out of the house?
A certain melancholy is normal - even if this phase lasts several months or even 1 or 2 years. After all, you have cared for your child for years and suddenly it is independent and no longer needs us. But we should let pride prevail, because after all, the child has received everything in the parental home that it can now use for an independent life. And the child will succeed! We can be proud of that too! But those who have spent years at home and identified themselves exclusively through their role as guardians may now feel superfluous. For years you were needed and suddenly not everyone is sitting at the table to enjoy your lovingly prepared meal. Why don't you focus your care on the person who has given everything to the family for years - yourself? Let's do things we've always wanted to do! The salsa course, the world trip or immerse yourself in completely different fields of knowledge (link to article: senior studies). Because now is also the time when we can put ourselves and our own needs first for once. If we have a loving partner by our side, then it is time to enjoy togetherness again - just like before the children... Holidays together, walks, strolls through the city and all the other activities for which there was not much time in the past years or decades. As a couple, you first have to get back together after years of being a family of several. In order to turn a pair of parents into a married couple again, you need a lot of time for each other, a lot of understanding and also tact - otherwise, in the end, you don't know what you can discuss with your partner apart from parent-teacher conferences, report cards, football training and other family things.
Keep in touch with like-minded people!
You are not alone with your feelings. Countless other mothers and fathers whose children have moved out feel the same way. Look around your neighbourhood! Get together with old friends from school or university! Unfortunately, due to family reasons, many old friendships are not cultivated as intensively as one had planned, something always came up... Now you can make up for that. Besides, the chances are not that bad that you can support each other, because the old friends might also be letting their children go...
New life must come into the house!
Not everyone may be able to enjoy the peace and quiet at the same time. What pleases one person may be perceived as loneliness by another. We want so much to be needed, to be useful and to have something to mother! We have internalised this, after all we have been doing it for years... Many people find it difficult to turn this off and it is not really necessary. That's why we see that older people in particular like to get a pet. A great idea, because with an animal you are never really lonely and also the animal has a home with a person who cares for it and looks after it. (Link to the article: Which pet is suitable for me?)
What to do with all the free space?
After we have clarified what we can do with the time we have freed up, there is still the question of space. Do we want to downsize in terms of housing so that we only have to clean a small flat instead of a big house? Can and do we still want to afford the big flat or house? Do the children come now and then and still need regular overnight accommodation?
Many parents initially leave the children's rooms as they are. In case the child comes back or needs a place to stay overnight. Sometimes the child is not quite convinced of its own courage yet and soothes its queasy feeling when moving out by knowing that its old children's room will remain as it is for the time being. After a few years at the latest, it probably becomes clearer that a return probably won't happen (and if it does, you can always see). There are only a few parents who turn the former children's room into a kind of museum and don't change anything because the child might come back..... Most of them realise that it is normal that the space will be put to a new use sooner or later.
If you stay in the old place, you now have the opportunity to restructure. Set up your new study if you want to fill your newfound free time with professional or part-time activities. Learn a musical instrument, you no longer have to consider the children's bedtimes because they have to go to school early the next day! Have you discovered a new space-consuming hobby? Wonderful! Turn the biggest children's room into your studio, you can have your canvases and brushes there to your heart's content, which you used to have to clear out of the living room every time you finished painting....
