Being alone does not mean being lonely!
When is someone lonely? - Not so easy to answer, because this assessment can hardly be made by outsiders and is not subject to any measurable criteria. Only the subjective feeling of the person concerned is decisive - when does the person feel lonely?
When would you describe yourself as lonely? When you rarely see your children or have none at all? When you have few visits and little company? When you live alone without a partner? If you live five kilometres away from any neighbourhood, completely isolated? If you lack the mobility to participate regularly in social and cultural life?
The feeling of loneliness can affect anyone! By the way: In fact, it is so widespread that numerous psychologists deal with the topic and there is even an independent field of "loneliness research"...
Alone or lonely? About the subtle difference
The loneliness researcher John Cacioppo sees no direct connection between being alone and loneliness, because loneliness is not linked to the presence or absence of others. You can feel just as lonely in a large crowd of people you don't know as you can with friends or acquaintances if you feel misunderstood by them. Then you may feel that "no one is there for you", just as you would if no one were actually present. In this case, loneliness arises from the feeling of not being able to interact with people in a desired way, to be noticed and appreciated. Certainly, this feeling of loneliness can also occur when you are alone, i.e. when no other people are present. It is more a general feeling of dissatisfaction with life or rather dissatisfaction.
The crux of the matter is the difference between whether you have chosen to be alone yourself or whether this state is imposed on you from outside by life circumstances - whether you like it or not. This can be the case, for example, with more profound changes in your life:
- First day of retirement
- New job
- New surroundings
- The last child leaving home
- After a separation
Recharge your batteries and draw positives from the time out
Some people take a sabbatical or some kind of time-out from everyday life - into peace and quiet! For someone who is unintentionally lonely, this desire for seclusion may sound strange, as they long for a little more life around them. But if the peace and quiet around you just happens to be in your life, then you can directly use it in a positive way. Many others envy you at this moment for this peace and quiet: Who knows... Maybe you too will look enviously at others at some point because your hustle and bustle is too much for you and others are enjoying being alone.
So here's the ultimate tip: In involuntary solitude, do what you would do in a self-imposed time-out!
Enjoy solitude if you want to!
Self-chosen solitude can be a wonderful thing. You feel liberated, you come to peace and to yourself, you can either shift down a few gears or really step on the gas in your affairs of the heart. You decide what you want to do with your time when no one else wants anything from you and is eating away at your time and your nerves.
However, if you are forced to be lonely, you will probably feel differently. If you don't like this state, it is a warning signal and tells you that an exciting and enriching search for contacts is in order. Too much unwanted loneliness can make you sick. According to studies, it can be as harmful as obesity or smoking, and possibly even lead to depression. This warning signal is a relic from our evolutionary past. Those who were expelled from a group at that time had hardly any chance of survival. These primal fears are anchored in us and if our basic need for belonging is not fulfilled, the same area in the brain that is responsible for physical pain reacts. Then it is time to break out of loneliness and make new contacts. Of course, this can't be done overnight, but if you keep at it, you will soon notice improvements.
The mystery of loneliness - With three options to the solution
At the end of the day, love it, change it or leave it! - Love it, change it or leave it!
- If you love the state of being alone and have secretly longed for it, then congratulations! Enjoy it and make the most of your time!
- Change your perspective on your situation if you don't like being alone at first. Look at the positive things about it and what you can do now. Maybe the idea of being alone is quite pleasant.
- If you don't like being alone and feel really lonely, do everything you can to change your situation so that it suits you.
