Surrogate grandma & surrogate grandpa: How to become a grandparent without your own grandchildren
The sound of children's laughter echoes from your neighbours' gardens when the grandchildren visit. Friends telling you about children's birthdays, school launches and the joys of spoiling grandchildren remind you of what you would like too; but your own children and grandchildren are too far away and you can't visit each other regularly; or you see their new status on Facebook and can't be directly involved in their lives. Maybe you don't have grandchildren, but you still want to be in touch with younger people and especially children? Then think about whether you could be a surrogate grandma or surrogate grandpa (yes, this is also possible as a couple!).
The concept
Many people feel lonely in everyday life when family and friends are missing or live too far away. One's own children or even grandchildren are already grown up and one misses the cheerful hustle and bustle of children. In addition, many would simply like to have more family contact. Conversely, there are also many families with children whose grandparents live too far away or are no longer around. Nevertheless, a child should be allowed to experience the life experience and patience that grandparents bring with them.
The wishes of both sides can be brought together to create what is known in business as a win-win situation. Nationwide, portals such as Leihomas-Leihopas and Granny als Nanny bring families and (often) volunteers together.
What do Surrogate Grandma & Surrogate Grandpa do?
To put it bluntly: you do everything that a grandma and grandpa do with their own grandchildren:
-
Play together
-
Go to the zoo
-
Work in the garden
-
Comforting them when they have their first heartbreak or bad grades at school
-
Helping with the preparations for the children's birthday party
-
And much more!
You have an open ear for the worries and joys of the children and take an interest in their lives - just as one would expect and wish from "real" grandparents. You have a good relationship with the parents and take care of the children from time to time - perhaps with highly praised grandmotherly cooking.
As a surrogate grandma or surrogate grandpa, you ideally become part of the family. You are more than a babysitter or childminder who is hired when needed or who is on call and returns home when the work is done. You are even more than a household help! Like a real grandma or grandpa, you are happy to receive visits from your grandchildren and also turn up when there is no special appointment to look after them. This is the family connection you enjoy as a surrogate grandma or grandpa! In most cases, your work is voluntary, because good interpersonal relationships and genuine warmth cannot be bought! Of course, there are also commercial surrogate mommies and daddies. How you want to handle this is entirely up to you.
What needs to be clarified
If you are the surrogate grandma or grandpa of a child, their parents are not your own children or children-in-law. Instead, you want to recreate some kind of family relationship out of two interested parties.
One special factor: you can't choose your own relatives, but you can choose your target family! So take your time to get to know the new family and to see if the chemistry is right and if you can imagine a kind of family bond.
Trust and sympathy are crucial!
You should be sure that it fits, because real grandparents and real grandchildren would hardly be exchanged. The bond between a surrogate grandparent and his or her surrogate grandchildren and family is a very long-term one: probably even so long-term that you will get to know your surrogate grandchildren's children.
Of course, the right chemistry between you and your future grandchild is very important, but don't forget: you get the whole family! This means that the parents also play an important role: parents have their own views on educational issues and even if grandmas and grandpas have the reputation of being spoiled, important things should be discussed if you suspect major disagreements somewhere. After all, it is important to pull together with the parents in matters of upbringing. Of course, you are free to make minor decisions yourself. You can also find out whether you will receive a travel allowance. After all, you usually "work" for free. But regardless of whether you are paid or not, there is another important question; you should also clarify the insurance and organisational aspects of your commitment:
-
What about liability as a caregiver? Not only liability, but also accident insurance?
-
Do you have the right to information from the practitioner when you accompany the child to a doctor?
-
Are you allowed to pick up the child from school?
It is best to discuss all these questions with the parents before the case arises. The placement office will also be happy to help with information.
How do I start as an interested party?
Maybe there is a family in your neighbourhood that is looking for a surrogate nanny or a surrogate daddy. Maybe you already take care of the little ones from time to time as part of normal neighbourly help. These are prerequisites that can easily be extended if the bond between you is not already growing by itself.
Otherwise, there may be a "grandma/grandpa request" on various noticeboards in the city. You can also ask at church institutions, community centres, the Diakonie, maternity centres or the citizens' office in your town! Many towns and cities have placement opportunities for a wide range of voluntary positions. In addition, there are specialised portals available nationwide. Organisations like care.com run websites in Germany and Austria with offers and requests. You can also place an ad in the classifieds of your newspaper or local paper. The way to a surrogate grandma or surrogate grandpa is definitely free!
