Give up independence? How to succeed in living together with a new partner
A new love has arrived! You had doubts whether you would ever meet someone again who would make your heart rejoice. And now you are super happy and the sky is full of violins again. Of course, you know the feeling from before, but that it will happen to you again...? Well, love is not age-dependent and even when we get older, we still feel the feelings with the same intensity and the new relationship with the necessary excitement.
The question of all questions
No, not "will you marry me?", although that also goes in that direction. The question is about living together, i.e. sharing a flat, which is very close to living together like a marriage. Many couples ask themselves this question in the course of their relationship. You, however, are in a better position to judge this at a more advanced age than a young couple who are just thinking about family planning and building their first nest. You may have lived with a partner before, know the consequences and simply know the situation better. You can judge well whether a joint household will do your relationship good or whether it will be a test of endurance, you are not under any false illusions. Of course, you can still be wrong, but your risk is significantly lower than that of younger couples.
Together you are less alone
The well-known book title hits it on the head. Especially when it gets quiet in the house (Link to the article: Suddenly the kids are big - what you can do when it gets quiet in the house), it's easy to feel lonely. Of course, you can also enjoy this free space wonderfully. However, if you are the sociable type and your new partner is too, then you might consider putting an end to two lonelinesses and making it a togetherness.
Time and monetary benefits of moving in together
We want to spend a lot of time with our new partner. As much as possible, because we know that we want to enjoy our happiness as much as possible. Driving distances, possibly even over a long distance, are a hindrance, as the daily traffic robs us of precious minutes with our loved one. The constant commute can also be quite arduous and tiring, and when we finally arrive, our partner has nothing to gain from us because we first have to recover from the exhausting journey. We could really use this time more sensibly. The travel costs also become incredibly expensive over time. In addition, two flats cost more than one, even if it is larger. Many additional costs are also incurred, no matter how many people live in the house or flat. Heating is necessary in winter anyway, street cleaning, chimney sweeping, household insurance ... - all these costs are incurred, regardless of whether you live alone or with a partner. If you can share the costs by running the household together, you can spend the money you free up on a really nice big flat or simply treat yourself to a little luxury in your everyday life. New household appliances will no longer have to be purchased twice and will relieve you of additional burdens.
Yes, we belong together!
There is no better way to document this than by living together. By living together, we make a clear commitment to each other, whether we have a marriage certificate or not. The feeling of togetherness grows, which can give love an undreamt-of intensity. There is no longer just a she/her and a me, but a WE. Joint planning can be made much easier. You no longer live with the constant glance at the clock when you have to jump on the last bus and the time has come to say goodbye every evening.
So that living together succeeds...
No one said it would be easy.... Problems can arise wherever two individuals are suddenly close together. In general, both partners should be the type to live together and not have any aversion to it. Moving in together just to do the other person a favour may go well, but may not make you happy in the long run. People who are particularly freedom-loving would also do well to take a critical look at themselves. In any case, you should discuss in advance what you expect from living together and how you envisage everyday life. Because everyday life is often the acid test. In the future, you will not only see each other when you are dressed up to go to the theatre together, but also lying on the couch in jogging suits with your hair unkempt. Some of the initial charm will be lost over time. Also discuss your ideas about tidiness and cleanliness; relationships have supposedly broken down because the toilet seat is not down or the toothpaste tube is not completely empty. Talk about it early on and you can find compromises. Of course, this also applies to the shared furnishings. If you give up both your flats and move into a completely new place, at least neither of you will have a 'home game' that might make the other feel uncomfortable. When it comes to furniture, it should not be the case that one partner brings everything with him or her. This could make the other person feel as if their things are not wanted and their ideas count for less. By moving in together, you will be able to save a lot of money. Some of it is certainly well spent if you buy furniture together that you both like and each has a share in the decision.
Don't rush things
You don't know if it will work. Even if living together on holiday works out well, you should not forget that it is only for 2 or 3 weeks and you are in a good mood and holiday mood anyway. After that, you could agree to live together on a trial basis. Just let both flats exist for a certain transitional period before one of you cancels your tenancy agreement or sells your house. This way you can find out much more relaxed and without pressure whether the model of living together is suitable for you.
