Narcissism
Some of us have probably heard the term "narcissist" before. We use this term to describe someone who behaves in an arrogant and self-absorbed manner. But what is actually hidden behind this term? Is there a little narcissist in everyone or is it always a mental disorder that needs treatment? How do you recognize a narcissist and how do you deal with him? You can find answers to these and other questions here.
The legend of Narcissus
The best-known legend about the mythical Narcissus comes from Ovid's Metamorphoses. In it, the youth Narcissus spurns all his lovers. Therefore, a goddess curses him to fall in love with his own reflection. From then on, he can look at his love object, but never get close to it. In the end, he dies of this unfulfilled love. In the place of his lifeless body, a flower, the narcissus, remains.
In modern times, psychoanalysts in particular took up the fate of the narcissist. Sigmund Freud made narcissism known as a psychological problem. Even today, it is considered a serious personality disorder in psychotherapeutic circles.
In parallel, the term "narcissist" has entered everyday language. This is no coincidence, since narcissistic traits can also be observed in psychologically healthy individuals. Nevertheless, the suspicious term is used imprecisely as well as inflationarily in everyday life. After all, a certain self-love is essential to survive in the adversities of everyday life. The question is where healthy self-love ends and pathological narcissism begins.
Between mental disorder and ordinary trait
Between a pronounced self-esteem and a narcissistic disorder does not even fit a leaf. If someone has an important role, carries a lot of responsibility and masters his tasks with bravura, a high self-esteem seems understandable. Hardly anyone would think of accusing this person of self-aggrandizement. Another person, on the other hand, may have achieved little in life, possibly lives at the expense of others and spends the day between bed and sofa. If this person thought that he or she was outstanding and that he or she had almost superhuman potential, the suspicion of a psychological problem would be obvious.
But this also means that narcissists are less conspicuous in certain social positions than in others. What they have in common, however, is that they consider themselves more important than people around them. They tend to see themselves as being in the right and ignore the needs of others. But let's take a closer look at the symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder!
"I'm the best!"
Narcissists stand out because of their pronounced egoism. They perceive themselves as a grandiose person with great abilities. They don't cope well with a contrary view. In case of doubt, they consider their counterpart incapable of recognizing their true genius. They also believe that primarily people of high social standing and with above-average intellectual abilities recognize their true greatness.
Narcissists always seek and find the necessary confirmation for their extraordinary self-concept. For this, they prefer to perceive the reactions of their environment that seem appropriate to them. They try to ignore contradiction or criticism as much as possible. They have a hard time dealing with failures and react to them primarily angrily. Some experts suspect that narcissists have a feeling of inner emptiness behind their snobbish facade. This is to cover up with the overconfident behavior.
Interpersonal problems
Narcissists have a hard time with any kind of interpersonal relationship. If they maintain friendships at all, they do so increasingly in a rather superficial manner. Their relationships suffer from their pronounced arrogance. Narcissists themselves are quickly envious, but they like to impute this attitude to their counterparts. They then attribute negative characteristics to other people. For them, the purpose of friendships is to gain advantages from them. In doing so, they make high demands on their fellow human beings, but are hardly willing to reciprocate themselves.
Another problem of narcissists in connection with their social behavior is their lack of empathy. Researchers have now been able to confirm this phenomenon of reduced empathy capacity in the form of reduced activity in certain brain areas. Since narcissists often have difficulty understanding how other people are doing, they have difficulty assessing the impact of their own behavior.
that many figures of the Greek myths can be found in our modern usage? Narcissus is the blueprint for the self-absorbed egoist. Echo was one of his outrageous adorers. Furthermore Oedipus is known, who fell in love with his own mother. Sisyphus was doomed to roll a boulder to a mountaintop, but always lost it just before reaching his goal. Europa was the mistress of Zeus and Hades cast an eye on Minthe, who was eventually turned into a fragrant herb by Persephone. These are all just a few examples].
How does someone become a narcissist?
There is a theory that narcissistic personality disorder results from a problematic parent-child relationship. Thus, narcissists are said to have experienced hardly any love and appreciation from their caregivers already in early childhood. The child serves the parents rather as a means to an end to satisfy their own needs. Since the child is not loved, it cannot develop a healthy self-love. To compensate for this deficit, an excessive self-love develops, which psychologists call narcissism. Solid confirmation of this thesis has yet to be found.
This theory is accompanied by the finding that narcissism has a strong genetic component. There is a clear familial clustering of narcissistic personality disorder. Of all ten personality disorders listed in the DSM V diagnostic manual, narcissism has the strongest genetic component.
How many pathological narcissists are there in Germany?
Contrary to the popular impression that we are surrounded by narcissists, there are actually only a few of them who become clinically conspicuous. Only about one in one hundred people meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder. However, the diagnosis is extremely tricky. That is why narcissism only appears in one (DSM) of the two diagnostic manuals commonly used in Germany. The WHO has omitted this category in its manual because narcissistic personality disorder has many overlaps with other personality disorders.
In general, narcissism is said to be more common in men than in women. However, this proposition is controversial. Age is not related to the onset of the disorder, with personality disorders generally not diagnosed until adulthood. People in public life are often accused of having a pronounced narcissistic trait. For politicians as well as actors and singers, an inflated self-esteem can even be advantageous.
Keep distance
Dealing with narcissists can be exhausting. Discussions with them can go on for a very long time and then still be fruitless. When dealing with a narcissist, a thick skin can be helpful. With calmness, forbearance, and understanding of your counterpart's problems, you can probably get along with them to some extent. Unfortunately, narcissistic personality disorder is difficult to recognize. It takes a while for suspicion to set in. The more certain you are, the more you should pay attention to yourself and your feelings when dealing with the person in question.
Narcissists rarely go to professional psychotherapy because of their personality disorder. The reason is rather other problems such as depression, suicidal crises or addiction. For the success of therapy, however, it is essential to recognize the narcissistic personality disorder in the background. It is essential to include it in the therapeutic process. Since narcissists are secretly quite sensitive and react negatively to criticism, in the worst case they immediately break off the therapy.
Experience shows that a narcissistic personality disorder has a great chance of regressing within two years if treated appropriately. In most cases, the symptoms are reduced to such an extent that they no longer fully meet the diagnostic criteria. Ideally, the affected person learns to direct the narcissism instead of being directed by it as before.
On the subject of narcissism, psychologists distinguish between narcissistic character traits and pathological narcissistic personality disorder. The inflationary use of the term „narcissist“ refers primarily to the former. If someone appears arrogant, considers himself to be better or does not take the needs of others into consideration, he is not ill per se. Only when many of these behaviors coincide and narcissism permeates the personality in all its facets may a clinically relevant disorder actually be assumed. </p>
In lay literature, a distinction between different types of narcissism appears again and again. Some amateur psychologists speak of male and female narcissism or of passive and active narcissism. Others differentiate according to particularly conspicuous characteristics such as talkativeness, tyranny, or deceitfulness. However, all these categories are not recognized in science. There is only narcissism as a clinically undetectable trait on the one hand and narcissistic personality disorder requiring treatment on the other. In addition, it is certain that not every person affected by narcissism carries his narcissism in the same way. It is from this context that the terms „open“ and „ver-concealed“ narcissism originate. </p>
There are two complementary approaches to the development of narcissism. The classical theory from the field of psychodynamic theories assumes a problematic parent-child relationship. In this, the child is not supposed to experience love by its caregivers from an early age. Instead, it serves to satisfy the psychological needs of the adults. Since healthy self-love normally grows out of the parents' love, a problem arises here. In the course of time, the child compensates for this lack by an excessive self-love, narcissism. </p>
Modern science also assumes a strong genetic predisposition. In interaction with the environment, this can lead to narcissistic personality disorder. </p>
Dealing with a narcissist in the traditional sense is difficult. He dominates the relationship, makes demands and reacts negatively to their non-fulfillment. He perceives his counterpart primarily as a means to an end. Therefore, you should keep a certain distance if a person in your environment appears to be a narcissist. This is certainly easier to do in private life than at work. In your professional life, you should ideally behave in a matter-of-fact manner when dealing with a narcissist. In every conversation, be aware of how the person is ticking you off. Therefore, don't take negative things she says too much to heart. Getting out of a love relationship with a narcissist is quite complicated. Here it needs good support from outsiders to make the jump. </p>
Basically, dealing with a narcissist is problematic. Thus, the interaction in the therapeutic relationship must also be viewed critically. It is easy for the narcissist to feel unjustly criticized or misunderstood. In this case he breaks off the treatment. However, if the narcissist perseveres, his chance of improvement over a period of two years is quite high. In the therapeutic context, the patient mainly adopts self-confidence techniques and alternative strategies for self-esteem maintenance. Thus, his behavior gradually becomes more socially acceptable. A 180° turnaround is unrealistic. </p>
Conclusion
The term "narcissism" is derived from the ancient Greek myth about the youth Narcissus. Today, the use of the term "narcissist" is almost inflationary. However, the clinically significant narcissistic personality disorder occurs in less than 1% of adults. Affected persons consider themselves to be superior and rate their own abilities much higher than outsiders do. Their interpersonal relationships are complicated because they tend to behave arrogantly. Their counterpart is primarily a means to an end for them. They also find it difficult to understand other people's feelings. Researchers look for the causes of narcissism in childhood experiences as well as in genes. In dealing with narcissists, a matter-of-fact attitude has proven effective. In therapy, they are considered to be particularly difficult cases, but they certainly have a chance of getting their suffering under control to some extent.
