First Corona shop opened
In order to control the spread of a virus whose name is not known, the first Corona shop has now opened in Heinsberg in North Rhine-Westphalia. The beleaguered community, which after all wanted nothing more than to celebrate carnival, is now enjoying a speciality shop that is to gain a nationwide foothold as a pilot project by May. Since there are commercial providers for almost every purpose, an initiative has managed to ensure that underprivileged sectors are finally being heard. There are car dealerships selling driving licences, coffee shops offering medicines for sale and tobacco shops selling dried plants in paper sticks - such absurdities are established, but 'Sars reloaded' is treated like a misfit.
The new corona shops are designed to offer those who do not understand the contact ban a guaranteed way to get the virus
Unfortunately, the current shopping options in supermarkets still offer no guarantee of getting infected. Although there are departments everywhere for nerve agents such as alcohol and nicotine, whose health value is indisputable, an option to purchase cheap and tax-reduced Sars-CoV2 has been missing.
The infrastructure plan envisages that all closed restaurants can be converted into corona shops. Thus, by the end of the year, all vacant hospitality buildings are to be converted into either corona shops or hospitals to ensure supply of the virus. Since the construction of intensive care beds is rewarded with a bonus - the Latin word for 'something good' - from the health insurance companies, traders no longer need to apply for bridging loans online on the overloaded servers.
The supermarket chains react promptly
The three market leaders and two franchises do not want to let the butter be taken off their bread and are converting the tobacco containers located at the checkout conveyor belt. A spokesperson explained: 'for decades we have been selling legal drugs that cause more deaths, it was about time a virus shook up the market. It is justified that we also participate in it'.
So, in order to avoid closure for poor public health dissemination, selling only addictive (addictive) but not infectious goods, Alidleka markets are also offering the little lung helper after clarification of tax benefits from the federal pahns.
In the course of changing the range of goods on offer, a basic ban on driving and alcohol should also be considered (but not a smoking ban, see 'new epidemics discovered'), the empty car dealerships are converted into mortuaries in which the alcoholised roadkill are laid out leninely, this is less waste of space and at the same time promotes history tourism.
Now that the citizens are so well attuned to how to teach people to do without changing the Basic Law, the alcohol and individual transport ban will be easy to implement. At first, the government was not sure whether the tax slump in the tobacco and automobile industries, here primarily the omitted mineral oil tax, which accounted for 68% of the gross domestic product in 2018, would not have an impact on the federal budget, but doubters were told that the approved 156 billion. euros of new debt could after all simply be shown as a write-off loss, and already the GroKo with AfD MPs agreed to the overdue legal ordinance, fearing that in the Bundesrat the FDP representatives would again raise a fuss and ruin the nice plan. The EU's blessing is assumed; just don't tell them, then they won't notice.