In the midst of the Corona crisis: new epidemics discovered
The statistical analysis of many years of data collection has revealed something surprising that no one could have expected. After all the problems in the world have been suspended, such as war, migration, climate damage, NoDealBrexit or football, because there are no more refugees and nature has found from one day to the next that it is not threatened, not to mention that I broke a fingernail, the findings point to a horror scenario that goes one better.
Although the saying goes: don't trust statistics you haven't falsified yourself, the figures, which leave no room for interpretation, seem to have come straight from the ill-tempered maw of hell: Worldwide, more people die from bee stings than from shark bites.
Bees are banned, sharks trained to collect horseradish
Since all attempts to release sharks on land and train them to pollinate flowers and collect nectar to convert into honey in their digestive system have failed, they have been ordered to harvest horseradish instead. Furthermore, the decree issued that bees must be given curfews and keep a minimum distance when running urgent errands such as toilet paper has been softened as long as they do not leave the country. Tight border controls were set up throughout the Schengen area for this purpose.
More surprising figures
The health authorities' liveticker now confirms that more people have died from smoking this year than from the hip new Covid19 disease. The drug commissioner of the Bundestag was asked during his cigarette break (via video interview, of course). He referred to other statistics, according to which traffic accidents would offer higher death rates, one should contact the Minister of Transport, there was such a high fluctuation, he did not know whether it was currently a man or a woman.
After some awkward research, we found a twitter account of the Federal Ministry of Transport, Building and Digital Infrastructure under the name AndiScheuer and assumed that it was an Andrea. We were told by telephone that it had not been proven that smokers cause more road accidents in poor visibility because of the smoke in the passenger compartment. Comparisons with other countries, however, showed that speed limits had no influence on fume emissions, and that it was worse in other countries, for example China or Italy.
Back to Corona
The lung disease Covid19 caused by the Sars2 virus has now also been detected in Egyptian mummies, catapulting North Africa to the top of the charts. Unfortunately, the virus still does not reach the same level as influenza, whose flu, as an established pandemic disease, is still ahead of the newcomer by a long way (about 10x) in terms of spread and deaths, although a vaccine has long been available. Rumours, on the other hand, that the influenza vaccination, which is widely available in Germany, prevents a severe course of the disease and thus naturally prevents it from spreading with frequent deaths, require many years of research. That is why contact restrictions will remain in place for so long. No medical practitioner dares to raise his voice against the higher federal authority that it is known not to fall ill with two viral diseases in the same organ at the same time, especially if one is vaccinated against one.
Maybe the young mothers who opposed compulsory vaccination for their children will realise that administering inactive viruses strengthens the immune system and thus saves lives - across generations. In the days of compulsory military service, soldiers were also vaccinated. Of course, you don't need that today if you want a bat to cause worldwide panic; just like the butterfly in chaos theory.
It was unanimously stated that the coronavirus will have to wait a few more years before it can be given the status of 'dangerous' and take on the scourge of the people, their stupidity and drug addiction. As a further preventive measure, driving will be banned, because the pandemic spread of traffic has long been a thorn in the side of smokers. Smoking, on the other hand, must not be banned, of course, because unfortunately coughing is now proven elsewhere to be a withdrawal symptom, and demonstrably harming oneself and others is personal freedom. The spread of carcinogenic cigarette smoke directly through the air instead of by coughing on it is consequently ignored, because calculating a distance to smokers would be too difficult for the RKI for this reason.