Wellness for couples
Hardly two people have identical ideas about wellness. It is often particularly far apart for men and women - which can make wellness a special challenge for couples.
What women understand by wellness
Many women often make no distinction between wellness and beauty treatments. Wellness for women can certainly be associated with a relatively large willingness to suffer. The thought of becoming more beautiful and slimmer makes many women endure a lot. So the feeling of well-being sets in after the wellness day, while the latter is often organised according to the motto, if you want to be beautiful, you have to suffer.
Moreover, many ladies tend to pack as much as possible into the day. They take everything from sauna, massage, body scrub, facial to body wrapping and colon hydrotherapy. A wellness day sometimes has little in common with relaxing, but is often a stressful programme.
Eating is usually not on the agenda for the ladies, because fasting is supposed to be healthy. At best, they are inclined to offer some vegan specialities that are rich in fibre.
How men deal with wellness
For men, wellness is associated precisely with the processes described above. This is certainly also due to the many spa facilities that orient their wellness programme to the typical beauty programme for women. No wonder that men only want to flee at the idea of being wrapped in cling film and smeared with cinnamon cream. An enema is right behind colonoscopy and prostate examination on their wish list, even if it is offered as colon hydrotherapy and is supposed to have such a relaxing effect.
Men primarily want to relax on a wellness day and do what they like. They may well like sauna, massage or face mask, but the emphasis is on the word "or". Depending on age and fitness, a sports programme is also part of wellness for men. In this respect, the gentlemen are often more willing to suffer than the ladies.
Make the wellness day palatable for your partner
The problem is the different way of communication. Men have conversations on a content level. They give instructions. Women see conversations as something that connects. They want to work out common ground and discuss. This means that misunderstanding is inevitable.
In addition, there is a difference in leisure time behaviour. For men, sports, DIY, cars, barbecues and watching TV are very high on the list of things to do in their free time. Women, on the other hand, prefer meeting friends, sports, wellness, reading and gardening. Sport is less unifying than it seems. Men are into sports like football, gym, cycling and climbing, but women like jogging, gymnastics and cycling. So it's hard to plan a wellness day together, because interests are often far apart.
Whether you as a man want to suggest a wellness day to your partner or as a woman to your partner, keep the different ideas in mind. Ladies should definitely avoid the word wellness and involve their partner very carefully in the planning. He might interpret her suggestion as an instruction and either go into opposition or simply agree to everything. A man does not usually formulate what he understands by a day "on which to have a good time".
Conversely, a woman will take a man's suggestion of how to have a day of wellness as a basis for discussion. She, in turn, will make suggestions. This confuses the partner because, in his view, he has spelled out exactly how the day should proceed. He will take anything that is not agreement as grumbling. "We can never please you either".
If you are a woman planning a spa day, you have to be subtle. Ask him about what he likes on appropriate occasions. For example, if you see something on TV about a massage, just ask "Would you like that?". Ask him about his favourite dish. Or ask him for advice. "I find it so hard to relax, how do you do it?"
Men should keep in mind that their partner may want to discuss a spa day. If you, as a man, make an appropriate suggestion, just listen to her. She says what she likes and what she doesn't like.
Enjoy relaxation for two
An ideal start to the wellness day is a breakfast together that meets the needs of both partners. He'll be surprised if you serve him eggs and bacon without giving him a lecture on cholesterol levels.
As long as the meal is not too rich, joint exercise can follow. Please don't organise a competition, but light exercises where partners have to work together. Taking a shower together or a cosy bath for two also helps to relax.
A word of advice to the ladies: just let your partner do what he or she likes. If you want a partner massage, start it spontaneously while he is watching his favourite programme on TV. Do without a romantic ambience with scented candles and relaxing music. A tip for gentlemen. Light a few scented candles and create a romantic atmosphere with quiet music.
Order the menus you like from a delivery service. Without regard to calories. He'll probably be happy with a huge steak, while she might be inclined towards a light pasta dish.
The most important thing is to leave stress and problems out of the day. The relaxation is over if there is suddenly talk of how the garden fence should have been painted weeks ago. Stressing that the day is an exception also disturbs the atmosphere. "You can have steak today, but from tomorrow onwards we'll have something healthy again". The most beautiful day ends with such sentences.
These statements show one thing: a wellness day together is only possible if you don't set your expectations too high. Also, one of the partners must show a lot of willingness to compromise. This is usually the woman, because it has been scientifically proven that in mixed-gender groups, men's norms are more likely to apply, and women tend to fall into line. From a social point of view, this should change, but any attempt in this direction spoils the wellness day.
As a rule, women want a shared experience in order to get closer to their partner. They assume that wellness together with their partner is a way to achieve this. Men who want more togetherness are more likely to think of activities such as hiking, sports or DIY.
Women should avoid openly planning a wellness day, but try to find out what he wants and surprise him with the day. Men who plan such a day should not take their partner's suggestions as criticism.
In that case, the best thing to do is to get off the plan. Stress increases the longer you stick to the plan. Refrain from making advance suggestions, this will increase the stress on both sides.
Just think of Loriot's comedy (Papa ante portas). More time spent together is not a gain. What is important is that you spend time together that you enjoy and remember with pleasure.
There are many ways to spend time together that are meaningful and enjoyable. The typical wellness programme is not necessarily suitable for pleasing both partners. Try out different hobbies with your partner and choose activities that are equally fun for both of you.
